The Mallard family blue car, carrying Drake and Gosalyn, pulls up to an abandoned garage.
Gosalyn: Hey! this isn't my school! Drake: Excellent deduction, Gosalyn.Drake explains to Gosalyn that he's stopping here to drop off a small, brown, and top-secret package. Gosalyn: To a garage? Drake: It only looks like a garage. It's really a SHUSH lab. Gosalyn: Oh, right. Camouflage.Drake gets out of the car. "Well, whaddaya know? This is where my old school used to be! And right over there was my house!" Gosalyn climbs out of the car. "Hey! I thought you said you had to walk twelve miles to school! Drake: Oh! Uh, just get back in the car. I've got a delivery to make.Gosalyn complies with her father's instructions. He jumps into a conveniently nearby mailbox. He emerges in his Darkwing garb. "Or rather... Darkwing Duck has a delivery to make!" He directs Gosalyn to stay in the car and not get into any trouble. Gosalyn: Really, what kind of person does he think I am?Darkwing pops up behind her. "Need I remind you about the time with the floor wax, your peanut butter, and my VCR?" "That was an accident!" she protests. "Just stay put," Darkwing says as he leaves. Gosalyn: Big deal. So it's a top secret lab full of totally cool spy stuff. Does that mean I'm going to let curiosity get the better of me? You bet!Meanwhile, Darkwing appears inside the lab in his puff of blue smoke. "I am the terror that flaps in the -- Yipe!" the smoke get bombarded by many darts which, we see when the smoke clears, are pinning him to the wall. Hooter: Ah, Darkwing, old boy. Darkwing: Hello, J. Gander. Hooter: I believe you know Sarah Bellum here. She was just demonstrating a remarkable new device. It gives the appearance of an ordinary stuffed bear but it's capable of firing over a hundred poison darts with pin-point accuracy. Bellum: We hope to have it ready in time for the holidays.Somewhere else in the lab, Gosalyn jumps into a window. She looks around at the "cool spy stuff". Gosalyn: Woah! With this stuff, even I could ace the science fair!She picks up a banana, out of which pops a radar dish. "Keen gear!" Meanwhile, Darkwing presents Hooter with the package he came to deliver. Darkwing: No doubt this insignificant-looking package I brought you contains some mysterious secret vital to the safety of the free world (he examines the tape Hooter unwraps) "Greatest Polka hits"? You needed a superhero to guard oompas?! Bellum: They're not just ordinary oompas!The three of them enter the room Gosalyn is in. She jumps into the golf cart next to her. Bellum explains that the tape includes programming for her latest invention: the world's first time machine. Darkwing admires the large shiny cube and exclaims that it's exactly what he'd always thought a time machine would look like. Bellum: That's the refrigerator. This is the time machine! Darkwing: A golf cart? Bellum: The oompas operate its time-control mechanism.She tells DW that it hasn't been tested yet but Darkwing hops in and begins fiddling with the controls. It zips around the room and almost into a wall, but instead they appear in a swirling vortex full of portals and objects from all eras. Suddenly Gosalyn starts talking from the backseat. Darkwing: Gosalyn! Didn't I tell you to wait in the car? Gosalyn: And miss this?They enter another warp hole after dodging a plane, a pyramid, and a Tyrannosaurs Rex. DW: Now where are we? Gosalyn: I'd say we're in prehistoric times.Guys with big heads of hair are racing in hotrods. The girls are hula-hooping... DW: I don't believe it. This is my old school!...And sitting on the grass is a geeky kid reading a comic book. DW: I think I know that kid.The kid gets clobbered by a little punk with huge hair named Lamont: "What's the matter, Drakey? Did I crush your comic book?" Gosalyn: Drakey? That little geek is you? DW: No. It can't be.Lamont lifts Drakey into the air. "C'mon, Drakey. Mah biig bruthah's got a gig for us, man." "But it might be d-d-dangerous," Drakey whines. Lament starts hitting Drakey on the head repeatedly and leads him away. Drakey: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow... DW: Hey! He can't do that to me!Gosalyn holds him back. "Woah, Dad! Don't you watch any time travel movies? You can't buck into the past! It'll change the future and we're the future!... Pretty scary thought, huh?" Darkwing gives in. "Ah, I guess you're right. Besides, you'll see. Drakey's not in any real trouble. Hehe... It's just a clever trick to fool everyone into thinking he's a-- a--" "A wimp?" "I am not-- Drakey's no wimp! C'mon, I'll prove it!"
At the record store... Drakey: Lamont! No more noogies!Lamont lets him go and they go into the record store. A big musical scene follows where "the King" (Drakey: "He's not the real King") and his gang loot the record store. Cecille, his "modified" guitar helps him break the safe open and steal the money.
Outside: DW: They must have gone into one of these stores. [The top of the Record store blows off and falls back on backwards] DW: And I think I have an idea which one.
Inside again:
Later, outside: DW: I can't believe it, Gos. Me, a common criminal. Gosalyn: You weren't a common criminal. You were a really geeky one!They warp back to the SHUSH lab in the future, er, present, um... yeah. Anyway, the time machine lands suspended on a raised platform, commonly found in a garage. Darkwing: "Huh. The place looks... different. Ah, the must have redecorated while we were gone." The room does look different. It actually looks like the interior of a garage. No "cool spy stuff" anywhere. Darkwing looks over to see Dr. Hooter and Dr. Bellum with their heads inside the hood of a car, debating a cooling problem. DW goes up and begins talking to them. When they turn around, they have huge wavy hairdos and are wearing clothes commonly worn by mechanics. DW is shocked. "Oh, I get it. You're working under cover, right? I brought back your time machine." "Uh, time machine?" Hooter asks, bamboozled. DW: Gotta tell ya, those disguises would look a lot better if you'd lose those stupid wigs.He begins pulling on Bellum's hair. "Whoops." It's her real hair. Hooter: Look, creep. Unless you want a knuckle sandwich, you'd better take your time machine and get out of here.The old guy pulls a lever, bringing the platform down on DW. He pulls himself out. "Maybe I'd better come back some other time? A musical horn honks outside. Hooter: *gasps* The King of St. Canard! Darkwing: The what of where?Hooter and Bellum hide behind the car. A hot rod pulls in and the King's goons come out and play a fanfare. An older, tubbier King in a white jumpsuit comes out. DW: Him? What's he doing here? Gosalyn: What are you doing here?Sure enough, Drake's there, but in a geekier, wimpier form. He's even wearing green pants! He presents Cecille, the guitar, to the King. Drakey: Here she is, your coldness. Gosalyn: Eeeyuck! You look even geekier than before! DW: B-but... It can't be!The goons enter the scene again, holding Hooter and Bellum. "Hey look what we found." "Well, the King's sorry," the King begins, "to bust in on ya like this, but y'all are late on your taxes." "But we paid you all we had yesterday!" Hooter grovels. "Well that was yesterday and yesterday's gone, gone, gone," the King shakes his head. He strums Cecille, shattering all the windows in the place. "My, my, the King IS sorry bout that. Uhuhuh. Uhuhuh. Lamont, baby, it's time to get a whole lotta shakin' goin' on!" Lamont and the goons hold Hooter and Bellum upside-down and shake all the little silver coins out of them. DW begins his entrance: "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the cloud that rains on your hit parade! I am Darkwing Duck!" KING: Hey, nice act. Why don't ya take it on the road?The King hits the guitar and tires fall of the shelves, trapping DW inside them. The King rolls him beneath a car engine, suspended by a pulley cable. Lamont jumps on the golf cart. Gos ducks. "Say, whatcha gonna do to 'im, big bruthah?" The King pulls out some clippers. "I thought I'd give him an overhaul!" He snips at the cable, enough to weaken it, and laughs. Drakey: But that looks d-d-dangerous.The King smacks him aside. "You worry too much about what's dangerous, Drakey-baby. Anyhow, it ain't you who's gonna get creeeamolaed." But he's wrong, kind of. The engine comes nearer and nearer to DW as he struggles to break free. KING: Any last requests baby? Lamont: Yeah, play him one of your biggest hits, big bruthah.The King pops off one tire, freeing DW's bill so he can speak. DW: How about a polka?The King gets mad. "Ooooh! The King loathes polka!" Gos starts the Time Machine, it runs over the gang and moves DW out of the way of the engine, which smacks into a floorboard, launching the King into the ceiling. DW hits the wall and the tires go everywhere. DW pops out of one of them and jumps into the time machine. They escape into the vortex of time. They appear back where they were earlier, in front of the record store. They realized they changed the present so they needed to fix it. DW: We are back! And this time, I'm stopping that swivel-hipped hooligan!"Not so fast Dad," Gosalyn stops him. "What another time travel rule?" "Nope. We're too late," she points at the crooks escaping in a pink car. They back over the golf cart squishing it flat. Drakey comes out of the record store. "Where'd everybody go?" The golf cart resumes shape. Drakey is startled. Gosalyn goes up to greet him. "Hiya there, Drakey." "Do I know you?" Drakey asks. "Well, no. Not yet. But you will. I'm Gosalyn and this is you -- I mean, Darkwing Duck." "The terror that flaps," Darkwing introduces himself briefly. "Don't mind him," Gosalyn says to Drakey, "he's being overdramatic. It's part of being a superhero." "Wow, a superhero? You're a real superhero?" Drakey flips through his comic book, "just like Superpig." "In the flesh -- uh -- feathers," Darkwing strikes a stereotypically heroic pose. "Wow," Drakey says. "Are you faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive and stuff?" Darkwing replies, "Well I -- uh -- I -- um... No, I'm... not..." "Look," Gosalyn says, "we're trying to find the guy they call 'the King'?" Drakey whimpers, "That could be d-dangerous." Gosalyn rolls up her sleeves and swings her fist around, grabbing Drakey by the collar with her other fist. "Not half as dangerous as me." "Okay," Drakey cowers, "I'll take you to his hideout."
Later that night, outside a building... DW: I hafta admit -- I was surprised.Suddenly they notice the King and his gang standing there, looking at them. "Well, I hate surprises," the King says. "Too bad," Darkwing says with edge. "'Cause here's another one," he kicks a trash can in front of him into the gang and he and his two young companions flee. The King stands up and brushes himself off. "That hound dog just done and went and made the King real mad." He strums Cecille and a pile of boxes topple down on him and his gang. He's standing again now. "And you know what?" Lamont pops his head out from the pile of boxes. "What, big bruthah?" "That duck is cruisin' for a BRUISIN'... Uhuh."
The scene changes to the next day at a park where we see DW doing a flying kick over Drakey's head, a bunch of fighting moves, hovering in the air while making many "hiya" noises, and landing gracefully on his toes of one foot. "Now go ahead, you try," he taps Drakey on the shoulders.
As they leave, they don't know it, but the whole gang's hiding in the bushes! Royal Records, that night. A giant, functional model of a record player sits in the center of the building. Darkwing, Drakey, and Gosalyn enter. Drakey: This is Royal Records. Gosalyn: Records? They're like big CDs, right?DW shoots a grapling hook up to the little spike on the record player where you put the record's hole. "Cleverly anticipating his opponent's every move, Darkwing Duck prepares to turn the turntables on the rascally rock n' roll robber." He has Gos grab hold of the rope and pulls it up by running on the record player, making it wrap around said spike. "Don't worry, the only weapon a superhero needs is -- uh..." he trips over the rope. "Y'know, I'm beginning to see the resemblance here," Gosalyn climbs onto the player. She tosses the rope back down. "Ready Drakey?" "Don't you think this is all too d-d-dangerous?" Drakey whimpers. Darkwing lectures, "Oh c'mon, Drakey, there's nothing up here but records." They're big records though. Big enough for the King to hide behind one of them. He steps out from behind is hiding place. "Yeah, mostly Rhythm and Bruise!" he pounds his fist into his open hand. "So glad y'all showed up for mah latest hit." DW and Gosalyn are clobbered by a horn and a drum respectively, courtesy of the King's goons. The King asks for Lamont to put on some music while DW and Gos, trapped in their instruments, crashing blindly into each other, are still on the player! The record starts moving towards them. "Now c'mon babies," the King says to his gang, "let's go snag us some of them gold records!" Down below Drakey watches them slide down the rope and start looting the place. "What am I gonna do? What would Superpig do?" Darkwing tries to fire his gas gun, but Gos bumps into him. The gas gun falls down to Drakey. "Forget Superpig," Drakey says, picking it up. "What would Darkwing Duck do? I know! Let's get dangerous!" He takes his gum out of his mouth, puts it into the gas gun and fires it at the record player's joint. DW's head sticks out of his horn. "Bubblegum? I was saved... by bubblegum?"
Elsewhere in Royal Records, the King is putting the gold records into bags. "Dang!" he notices there's no songs coming from the record player. "Someone's' messin' with the King's music!" KING: Don't just stand there! Get the King back his hair!DW and Gos begin throwing gold records at the gang. "Let's get dangerous! And knock that King impersonator right off the charts!" The King climbs a ladder onto the ledge where Drakey is. "Don't be cruel now. Hand over the rug," he growls. Drakey thinks, panicked, for a second. "Okay. Fetch!" he throws the wig down to the ground. The King jumps after it. "No!" DW grabs Cecille, the guitar and plays a song during which he beats up the King and his gang. He ends the number with a hard chord on Cecille and the place crashes in. "Anybody got a broom?" Outside, the cops load the gang into one of those vehicles they put criminals in... KING: Oh, mah mama told me not to become a musician. Drakey: So, with the villainous vocalist and his lyrical lackeys safely locked up, the fearless Darkwing Drakey can at last breathe easily. Cop: Nice work, son. Funny clothes though. Drakey: Aw, I didn't do so much. It was Darkwing Duck who-- Hey. Where'd he go?"In an alley nearby... "I still don't get why you don't' remember a duck in a cape helping you when you were a kid," Gosalyn says to her dad. "A perplexing puzzlement indeed, especially with my photographic memory. Now where'd I park that time machine?" "Daaad..." Gosalyn points to it, right behind him. DW: I knew that! Uhuhuh! Baaaaby! [Darkwing moves off-screen. Fade to black. End episode.] |
